Before and after
Dropping in with a poem & a worksheet honoring grief as changemaker and great connector in your inbox today.
What to feed your grief -
sunshine and slippers
a low baseball cap
and a steaming hot mug
of chocolate
made by someone
you love;
rainbows birthed
from every tear
you’ve shed -
and maybe
a carefully placed
reminder, too
that this is not the end
I took a few blessed days away. Into the Arizona sunshine I went with a tween and a teen and a body that wondered how she might conquer a few trails. And conquer, she did. Yet still, grief bubbled up. Memories of “what was” surfaced. Some of those memories an imagined super human strength in my pre-pregnancy and motherhood bones. Some of those memories real, raw truths. I’m not as able as I’d like to be right now.
This morning, I sat through a beautiful group session led by my therapist, who speaks a lot of life into grief. She also talks about our capacity to be in the ebb and flow of life. So, I come to you with the words I knew I would write today plus some that are newly nipping at my heels (for me) to pay attention (thanks Stacey).
Here are a few questions that I have right now:
What if when we imagine who/what we were we’re simply creating an unnecessary tension?
What if when we can't hold onto the very real tension, disappointment, discomfort of changes especially, we're only wading deeper into the darkness? Not necessarily healing grief, but making it our life?
What if?
I'd love to hear your thoughts.
On this note of before and after…
Last week I started thinking about what we might be able to do to begin to reconcile the good and God in grief journeys.
So, I have a contemplative practice for us today, darling soul. Get comfortable, grab yourself a pen and print this worksheet below or open it in the editing app of your choice. Maybe grab some paints. You do you. But whatever path you choose, take a few minutes… maybe a minimum of five, and list out the goodness life had and that which life still contains on this Before and After worksheet.
Regardless of whether you dive into this worksheet, I think that far too often we let grief have the final say, loves. And, while I'm a fan of grieving everything that must be grieved, I'm also a really big fan of processing, digesting and integrating the experiences that reshape us.
Healing is not linear and we may never “arrive” - and yet, growth in the After is as possible as it is unexpected.
I’m living this and I’m holding onto this, too.
What about you?
Did you know that Good Grief is coming to Phoenix and virtual venues this May?
We have our first GOOD GRIEF WEEKEND INTENSIVE coming up this May, darling souls. A weekend-long event, you are invited to attend live in beautiful Mesa, Arizona (May is absolutely one of my favorite months of the year out here!) or virtually.
This is a wonderful opportunity to further digest, process and integrate your grief as a self healer. And as a healing professional, you’ll receive increased understanding, tools and practices to re/shape not only your work with grieving bodies, but your entire life.
You can learn more or register for Good Grief below.
See you soon, soul friend.
New here? Dear Soul Tender is a safe, sacred space where you can find conversations and contemplations for those who mother, give (care) and grieve. Companioning you through complicated spaces including pain, trauma, and loss, my promise here is to remind you of how to love well. Yourself, your kids, your neighbor, and the whole wide world.
Beautiful poem. A low baseball cap. ❤️