The Pressure of Mothering Today
I’m willing to bet that you’ve wondered what kind of world we’re releasing our kids into each day. And I sit here wondering if it hasn’t increased the pressure of parenting for all of us…
Welcome to our bi-monthly Hope Notes, a newsletter to meet you at the intersection of faith and intergenerational mental health written by Jennifer Magnano, founder of Moms for Mental Health and a team of amazing co-writers. Each note contains glimpses into and wisdom from a myriad of experiences in the often-unseen world of real, raw, wild motherhood.
For the last year, we have turned on the news or opened up our feeds to find big, scary, dark, hard things right at our fingertips. And it’s wrecked us.
Also, some of us were already wading in big, scary, dark, hard things.
Even if it hasn’t been on the tip of our tongue or at the forefront of our mind, I’m willing to bet that you’ve wondered what kind of world we’re releasing our kids into each day.
And I sit here wondering if it hasn’t increased the pressure of parenting for all of us…
What do you think?
Also, do you know that you are More Than Mom?
Do you know that your value and your worth go far beyond mothering the precious kids you’ve been gifted, prayed for, adopted, fostered, and birthed? This month we are digging into this increasingly common crisis of identity with you. That motherhood is “it” and we have nothing else about us to offer God, ourselves, our partners, our children, or the world.
Scroll down for our Quick Reads. Each reading has been carefully selected to hold you near when you’re wading in the deep waters of Who-Am-I-Here.
Anxious for Joy
For me the pressure of parenting increased a few years ago now when lightening struck twice.
Melanoma met parenting a daughter with severe obsessive compulsive disorder. I truly thought we would lose our Bliss forever to the monster in her mind. Also I was still reeling from walking with my own monster (malignant melanoma) when I felt something shift.
And I thought joy was in a title, label, and role… read more
It just so happens that I found my identity beyond motherhood by first pouring relentlessly into motherhood, dear one. Then I cracked. And then (finally) I found joy, peace, pleasure, and a deep-seated hope.
On Boundaries
“Boundaries are an outward expression of how much you value your own mental health,” says Maryann Clark, The Filipino Mom & Moms for Mental Health co-founder.
Prioritizing other's needs ahead of our own often results in distressed emotions and feelings within ourselves. Continuing this behavior weakens your intuitiveness to your inner self… Your needs are important. You deserve to feel safe… read more ⠀
Boundaries are my favorite. As a human who has often experienced a hyper-responsibility for the world at large beyond raising two miracles - one with high & special needs - hearing other mothers choose lean into health within this space makes me want to jump up and down with joy! Boundaries leave room for you - the real you - to show up and shine. I hope you love Maryann’s words as much as we do. (She also has a recent post on raising teens that caught my eye.)
About Doubt
Can we, for the love, stop telling people if they just had enough faith bad things wouldn't happen? Pray harder. Trust more. Be better. Give more. Untruths. In fact, the Bible actually tells us we WILL have trouble in this world… (read more)
Fact: the Bible also tells us to let our hearts be troubled not - insert all the mind-blown emojis here - or weep. I’ve considered the latter.
Has your heart been troubled? Have you been struggling with doubt? It’s been one heck of a year (plus) and many of us have experienced doubt (some of us were experiencing it pre-pandemic, too). I love that our very own Terri Sestina wrote this well before the madness struck, dear friend.
Just Breathe
“The last few months have been intense and I could name all the reasons why, but I do not need to. You have your own list. I am all about giving yourself permission to breathe and offer ourselves compassion and space on this journey. But if I am being totally honest, I do not always take my own advice. As a caregiver, mom, friend, and mentor, I am the first person to hold space for a tender heart and a hurting soul.
Except when it is my own.
I have said to every single hurting heart I know, “Give yourself grace. It has been a hard year.” But I never allowed myself to say it to myself. Recently I found myself overwhelmed by a huge to-do list and another list of worries a mile long. I decided to go for a walk. I took a walk to feel the sun on my face, to listen, and to breathe. I allowed myself to say, "Amy, give yourself some grace, it has been a hard year."
I do not know what you're facing right now, how long your to-do list is, or what worries are keeping you up at night. Let me tell you one more time to give yourself some grace and be relentlessly compassionate with yourself today. You are God’s beloved child and he delights in you.” - Amy Brown
Let’s read that last line once more:
You are God’s beloved child and he delights in you.
Will you stop and breathe this in with us today?
Will you give yourself some grace?
If you’ve taken “it” all on or you haven’t…
Will you?
Will you stop?
Will you breathe?
Let’s try it together.
Inhale.
Exhale.
(Big sigh.) I can’t thank Amy enough for being a constant reminder to do just this.
Will you take a moment and share this with someone you love? We all need reminders to stop, pay attention to our own needs, and to breathe.
I feel compelled to wrap up this newsletter with an invitation to Even If this Saturday.
This morning Shanicka House & I spoke about living in a so-much, too-much time, season, and world… and about how remaining in conversation with our Abba God "in the fire" might just be how we see ourselves fully, stripped down beyond motherhood or any other role, title, or career.
We’ll continue that conversation live, virtually, and in a safe private meeting link.
Have you ever considered that a relationship with the Lord could enhance your sense of identity, value, and worth? Could you give yourself more grace if you knew with every cell in your being that your Creator created you to be you (imperfect as that you might be)?
We'll dig deeper on Saturday morning, loves.
And Shanicka will speak even more life into us as we have an open dialogue about this sacred & and sometimes-scary life space of being More Than Mom.
With you & giving thanks for you always,
J.
Jennifer Magnano
Have a request on what you’d like to see more of in our next newsletter?