The stories within
Every human being on the planet has a story, a walk with wildness or wilderness. Yet today, that walk is often one that no one else sees. We who share? We are a small, small fraction of the whole.
And that needs to change.
The degree of separation in which we lead our lives might just be the degree to which we experience the epidemic of loneliness running rampant across many first world countries today. We need one another, beloved. We need one another so much.
Long before a pandemic hit, we were isolated. Myself included.
The parent of first a critically ill child and then one with emotional disability, and me holding them both with fragile body and fractured mind… I was isolated. I feared the world and her germs after my son’s virus sent him into liver failure as an infant. I walked leerily into any situation that might trigger my daughter’s outbursts - and my lack of any sense of control over the experience at hand. The ramifications of said event trickling over into the rest of our day together. And night.
I avoided conversations about my own physiological well-being and how very stretched I was parenting with chronic disease. All of which led to an on & off reclusiveness. I could be present, but only for so long. When I couldn’t hide the pain of our journey and my life, I wedged silence between myself and those I loved. Some boundaries were healthy and helpful, of course. But many were due to the idea that we must, must, must walk this earth with a certain amount of resiliency, come what may. Even when we don’t want to. Even when we can’t.
The idea of that every messy pile is the beginning of a mountaintop is overrated, darling.
Even though I have seen mountaintops.
This morning I was thinking about the last nine years of raising my Wildling. How it’s only been recently as I listen to those with varying disability that I now fully honor hers. It has been so easy to focus on her brave, her resiliency, how she overcomes - and how we do too.
But the truth of it all is that our stories - all of them - are too nuanced for one label or one path. Today, our daughter mostly-thrives after finding out her additional diagnoses earlier this year. Do we know that this is forever, though? Absolutely not. And so, I choose to enjoy our present stability all the more because a good tomorrow isn’t promised. Nothing is.
Do you agree?
On this note, I want you to know that your story - it’s highs and lows and middle ground - are all so invaluable to the world. We once all lived in communities where our neighbors saw our plight and popped by with sugar or butter or a freshly knit blanket on a whim. And while I’ve been able to replicate this in small ways (more-so with each passing year), we aren’t fully there yet. Most of us. In a space where the highs and lows and middle ground are offered up to one another without self criticism or judgement or internal strife.
But I believe we can inch closer to this space each and every day.
One of the most beautiful humans I’ve ever met. Last fall, Teagan and I set up a photo session so that we could do our part to raise awareness for OCD and neurodivergence in honor of World Mental Health Day. I can’t believe how much she’s changed in one year! Inside and out.
Seven years ago this month, I called early intervention on behalf of a child who screamed and cried most days and refused to sleep most nights. For me, our journey became an open door. I had to get honest about what my body could handle and couldn’t. And about what it really looks like to lean unto the world for the support we don’t just desire - but need.
I’ll be honest though. Most of the last seven years, I created my own support systems. But I think we’re getting to a place where a lot more of them exist. The organic ones with fellow homeschooling moms and dads. The organized structures like group therapy and social skills groups and sibling support workshops.
I think we’re getting there.
Yet, if nobody knows our stories… we cannot get there. We don’t even have the option of higher ground. Which is why I wrote this and will write for this. Our stories. They matter so, so much.
I love you and I am cheering you and yours on!
J. 🌻 @thebarefootpreacher
P.S. feel free to share this message on The Stories Within.
Many of the words written today are the beginning of my next book. I consider it the privilege of a lifetime to share my life with you, beautiful soul. If today’s words have been some sort of shining light in dark spaces and places, please feel free to email me back. And as always, you can click subscribe below for one or two emails a month -from my heart to yours.