All in one week: our dogs had a terrible fight, my child’s mental health crumbled and my son got a (minor) concussion at school.
My personal life has been a space to occupy a radical love that knows no bounds these last several weeks now. Not only did my daughter endure a mental health crisis that sent our whole home into the swell of a hurricane, but her dog has also had some major health complications. (We believe this is why the dog fight came about.) At present, Beast is being checked for valley fever as well as disc degeneration in her cervical spine. I'm not sure how other people do it. How they stay in their body, mind, lives when life throws a whole box of wrenches in the mix.
And, it is necessary work. Especially, keeping it all from crawling under my/our skin. Sensitive folks must heed this reminder especially.
Yes, I'm speaking to myself first.
Beast was meant to be our daughter's therapy dog. But about 2 years ago, we started to notice some behavioral shifts. We are recognizing so much of it is a reflection of her pain. Dogs are such (brilliantly) stoic creatures. Sometimes, I wish I could be the same. I'm not good at hiding my experiences though. I wear my stories on my sleeve. One in actual-form the beginning of a tattoo sleeve.
All of this to say, many of the sentient beings in my home presently have high needs. My complicated bod has not enjoyed being steeped in chaos, trauma, and ongoing wildness. I am functioning. But low functioning most days.
It's taken me some time in this season to not be vague about what is going on in my life here, with you. For the last decade, I have served an incredible demographic of human, you included. It feels strange to both care deeply for the caregivers of the world and to also need such big care. It is both familiar and at odds with my hopes and dreams. But here we are... Here I am.
I want you to know how important it is that your own needs are met that you can thrive (it's possible, I've been there). And, so that you can best serve your demographic of human.
Can I be blunt with you for a moment? There is nothing on earth that prepares us better for tending to high needs than experiencing our own high needs. In our bodies, homes, lives. Let me repeat that again:
There is nothing can prepare you better for loving others well than to learn to love yourself well.
Keep practicing. You are worth it.
I love you.
Squeezes,
J. 🌻Jennifer Magnano
P.S. In case you’re wondering how I’m finding joy right now? It’s 100% play. I finished the book The Black Kids (and bawled). I also repotted some plants & have these beauties drying right now. And while I can’t count it all joy. I will forever amplify the potential of joy remaining in all spaces, places, seasons and times. Even when it doesn’t seem possible.
More from behind the scenes.
(I made something.)
When I decided to focus on healing from perinatal mental illness, I went to a true-blue church-based recovery group. I was thinking about that this morning as my exhausted self desired to catastrophize the chaos. During this rather sacred time, I assessed everything that might be fractured in my life. The way that I relate to people and alcohol and food. How my abandonment issues show up as a desire to abandon everything - including my own body. The wide-deep discomfort I have experienced at hands of religious people, caregivers, and men.
I didn’t leave unscathed. But I did leave dedicated to life-long healing.
For all of us.
There is a part of me that thinks every human should try recovery on for size. What you’ll realize in this space, as you unfurl layers of you, is that everyone has layers. None of us are alone.
On that note, I am in the middle of a soft launch of The Postpartum Institute for my community. I built a space dedicated to empowering those who give birth & none of my personal wildness can keep me from edging into this with a Wholehearted Yes.
Like I said, there is nothing can prepare you better for loving others well than to learn to love yourself well. So, I continue to do the work and guide it too.
Also, if you didn’t see the message above…
Relinquish the tight hold you have on life to be a certain way, Beloved. Then, watch goodness unfold. God step in.
(If you’d like to spread the word, please do.)
New here? Dear Soul Tender is a safe, inclusive and progressive faith-filled space where you can find contemplations at the intersection of caregiving, pain and peace. My promise here is to remind you of how to love well. Yourself, your kids, your neighbor, and the whole wide world.
As always, your words speak directly to my soul and I cry. Not tears of pain (well some of them) but tears that you can so beautifully articulate what so many of us feel and experience so we too know, we are not alone.