Therapeutic (re)parenting
Manifesting hope in a less than stable environment. Is it possible? Some words for caregivers of all kinds, today.
Over the years I have used the term “precarious edge” as the land upon which I often reside. If and when we do experience some semblance of normalcy and calm, I consider it to be a special season of sorts as someone living with invisible disability raising someone living with invisible disability. And so, when I came across new language to describe my personal function as a parent of a neurodivergent child with mental illness, I leapt from my seat shouting, “We are seen!”
It just so happened that I found the term on social media.
(Sometimes, she’s good to us y’all.)
Another mother had listed in her bio the words Therapeutic Parent. And, before googling it, I knew that this is my life.
Therapeutic Parenting is the term used to describe the type of high structure/high nurture intentional parenting that fosters the feelings of safety and connectedness so that a traumatized child can begin to heal and attach.
The term originated from the trauma-based attachment healing/healer world. And, while I cannot say my child has experienced much trauma beyond what is deemed “normal” in society today, living with generalized anxiety disorder, OCD and sensory processing challenges (to name just a few of my ND kiddos diagnoses) is indeed trauma. It deeply affects the way she sees the world and, how she trusts it too.
So, in sharing all of this… I want you to know that there are questions lingering on my heart. My first one?
Is there hope for the mainland?
Is there hope for those of us who give care in any capacity from pastoral and chaplaincy walks to parenting and caregiving bodies? Is there hope that we can find stable ground more often than not? Can we stop living at the “precarious edge” most of the time? And if we can, what does it take?
My answer is yes. And, what it takes… well, that will be Therapeutic Re-parenting. Reparenting ourselves in the way that we most desire to be parented right now - and perhaps, how we have wished we were parented in our youth, too. (Regardless of upbringing, parents aren’t perfect. Myself included!) Therapeutic Reparenting can take the same value system as used in parenting and apply it to us as adults living in trial, turmoil and trauma.
And they all shouted, “High structure and high nurture, for everyone!”
For real, though.
Because giving (serving and loving others well) requires that we know our wholeness, value and worth.
Amen?
As I embark upon my final pages of a book proposal, I’m brought back to last year. In March 2022, I published my first book - a story about the visible and invisible challenges (our) children meet every single day; and how they overcome (with a little bit of help). Today, I get to work on one for those of us who walk through challenges most-specifically in motherhood. (Take note: it’s also being written to speak to those who love and care for us.)
Because to amplify one message on compassion just hasn’t been enough for this soul o’ mine. I’m not done loving on us yet, Beloved.
I love you.
Squeezes,
J. 🌻Jennifer Magnano
Speaking of authors & compassion.
Have you read the works of KJ Ramsey? KJ is a brilliant author who writes for trauma and from trauma in a wild, wild body. She is currently recovering from a crisis and shares her words with us/her audience:
“Over the last month+, I landed in the hospital for 2 weeks w a terrifyingly long series of severe anaphylactic events, nearly ending my life. Nearly everything put into my body resulted in more life-threatening symptoms. I am fighting hard to stay home + out of the hospital, am in constant pain and very weak, my left side can no longer normally walk or grasp items + is in burning pain. There are too many symptoms to list…My medical team is working hard to diagnose/treat what remains a severe, often-life-threatening illness. They’ve shared that my case is highly complicated, concerning, uncertain, and going to take a long time to heal.”
And as a fellow wild, wild bodied soul, I felt compelled to add her story in today for a mutual aid request.
In addition and for longer-term support, you can order KJ’s books on Bookshop.org.
Dearest Soul Tender, it is the pleasure of a lifetime to amplify necessary voices and unmet needs. And, I am thankful you stick around for this part of our Substack newsletter. I’ve seen some incredible miracles spring forth from your love, support and prayers thus far!
See you soon.
New here? Reclamation is a safe, inclusive and progressive faith-filled space where you can find contemplations at the intersection of caregiving, pain and peace. My promise here is to remind you of how to love well. Yourself, your kids, your neighbor, and the whole wide world.