To be Mother is to speak their language
It's the hardest job I've ever had, loves. Learning them. It's also been the most rewarding one.
To be Mother is that even when they cannot speak, will not speak, do not speak - we know their language ✨
Wild regained speech slowly. Like eye contact it was here and then gone.
She babbled & babbled early. Shrieks too.
And then, she just pointed. Everything was "this" and she would be so irritated when I didn't follow what she shared.
I remember how big her eyes would get at new faces and loud noises. Huge blue eyes piecing together her world.
And then, she closed them.
She avoided eye contact.
She cried and cried and then cried some more.
She stuffed herself under a half dozen pillows to tune out life.
The closet became her second home.
I knew her language then.
I know it now, too ❤
Now when everything we lost came back. Now when others might say she's "too much" (typically other kids her age, but sometimes teachers outside of our homeschool life). I know it now, too. Her language.
Also, she’s not “too much.” She is Bliss and she roars. She is herself fully.
Note: This is the first in a series where I will be exploring our early days. Days that have somehow impacted thousands of lives because we shared and shared and then shared some more. Truly, it saved me. You are welcome & invited to hear this story for the first or tenth time. Intentionally, it will go deeper than before as we lead up to the launch of our/her book - Bliss & Blue.
When was the last time you were yourself fully?
Over the last few years of writing out our story, a recurring theme came up that kept me from completing Bliss & Blue.
It was a whisper that asked me, “when was the last time you were yourself fully?”
Bliss and her brother grow up in a home where they are loved and accepted always. Shortly after cancer and just before the pandemic I began to ask myself if I loved myself in this same way. And in this, was I showing up as myself fully.
Today, after loads of hard work - real is all I have left. So, I’ll pass this question along.
When was the last time you were yourself fully?
As we slowly but surely head out of winter (though winter may still line your periphery depending on where you are), we have another chance to bloom. Spring will come whether or not we’re ready for it, dear one. We can be ready for it.
Me, I’ve found that I really do take a step back from life every winter. And so, I’m both wrapping up the final weeks before our book is out in the world AND still mostly “wintering” as Katherine May writes. (A new and dear friend just gifted me this book and it’s a call to exactly where I’m at.) I’m resting, gathering the energy to sparkle and spring once again. It is a really, really beautiful thing.
While I believe we are always whole, my friend - no matter what life has brought - sometimes we might not be able to feel it or see it.
I have found time and again that restoration takes actual rest.
(Fortunately, I’ve come to love rest.)
As we part ways you are invited to share a response in our community:
When was the last time you were yourself fully? Was it a particular date or experience? And,
What would it take for you to be her again? Perhaps different in appearance or gait. Perhaps rougher around the edges. But you, yourself. What would it take?
See you soon beautiful humans.
With Love,
Jennifer Magnano
Other ways you can reach me right now -
I now have my Holistic Birth Recovery Guide up on Etsy. And you can respond to this email if you need further support.
For February our ONLINE for an adaptive, accessible and trauma-sensitive chair yoga class for all mothers - pregnant, postpartum, and well beyond - is at 6pm PST/8pm EST. And I would love to see you there!